CHALLENGES OF THE REMOTE-AGE: A LITTLE LESS...CONVERSATION?

Introducing Conversation

Before delving into the art of conversation, it is important to consider the umbrella term that this falls under: Communication. To put it simply, in any conversation, people should be thinking about the message(s) that they wish to deliver, and how they would like for them to land. This is particularly important for messages that could elicit an emotional response. Communication, the transfer of a message from A to B, is multifaceted - it captures the words that are said, the way they are said and the context in which they are said, to name a few.

The Art of Conversation

A successful conversation is an art form, rather than a science, that requires deliberate effort and practice. Whilst we talk and listen often, effective, enjoyable conversation is never promised. What’s complicated about this is the subjective nature of conversation: one person’s perception of a good conversation is just that - their perception. With that, I always try to consider the other person in the conversation - what they want to gain from the interaction, how they will hear and perceive what’s being said, and importantly, how that will make them feel.

Why Conversation?

When I moved to London in 2011, I was ejected outside of my comfort zone and thrust into the real world. Since then, one of the core skills I have developed substantially is my ability to communicate effectively with just about anyone, regardless of status, familiarity, age or gender, to name a few. Consequently, I have been fortunate enough to spend nine important, developmental years fine-tuning the craft of conversation.

The skill of holding a coherent, confident conversation is an important one. However, it’s one that feels to be on the decline in the remote age that we live in, as people of all ages are exposed to an ever-increasing amount of screen-time. As I look around on the London Underground, it seems apparent to me that all people, young and old, are spending the majority of their time behind a screen, typing rather than talking. I worry that voice-notes, autocorrect and the ability to delete a message before anyone has seen it are replacing people’s conversational competence.

Being naturally reflective, I often find myself analysing the quality of my social interactions. I find it useful to observe the interaction from all perspectives: How does that person feel when they walk away from the conversation? What will they remember over everything? How do I feel when I walk away from the conversation? What stood out to me in our interaction? Having implemented these reflective prompts time and time again, I have drawn together a number of strategies that I believe form the basis of a high-quality, social interaction.

Tips for Achieving Conversational Greatness in a Social Setting

Before attempting to implement the below tips for achieving conversational greatness, it is important that you first consider the context and try to gauge the type of conversation you are engaged in: Is it a social interaction or are you in a professional conversation with a tight schedule and an agenda? Importantly, your conversational style should adapt based on the situation you are faced with. Generally, the tips below will help you in a social setting, however you can flexibly adapt these to professional conversations to build relationships and rapport with colleagues as well.

1. Ask questions, and then ask more questions.

Respectfully probing, whilst taking the person’s personality and boundaries into consideration, is an important part of any social interaction. It’s no good brushing over general subjects and flitting from topic to topic as this delivers shallow conversation. The more depth, the better. Open questions such as ‘Tell me a bit more about…’ and ‘What are your thoughts on…’ are useful as they allow the speaker to openly talk about the topic without direction. When a speaker gives you more content in this manner, refrain from equating your own experiences, instead, continue to delve into theirs.

2. PAY ATTENTION!

How can you possibly extract meaning from a conversation if you’re sat scrolling through Instagram? It’s simple: you can’t. Time to check yourself: Are you someone who picks up your mobile phone to check social media or WhatsApp during a coffee or meal out with friends and family? If yes, this one's for you. If the habit is deeply ingrained, it will require deliberate action to stop yourself from doing this. Perhaps consider leaving your phone inside of your bag or pocket on silent to avoid the temptation of picking it up.

3. Add value through story-telling

You don’t have to be Bridget Jones to have stories worth telling, nor do you need to overshare to bring valuable contributions to the conversation. As you move through your life, pinpoint your story-worthy experiences and make a mental note that you may need to recall the narrative in the future. With this, it is important that you exercise consciousness by remaining present and living in the moment so that you don’t miss what’s going on around you. By doing this, you give yourself the best opportunity to capture your observations, thoughts, reflections and ideas. Importantly, this reiterates point two: PAY ATTENTION.

4. Achieve balance

It’s important to remember the concept of balance: if you feel like you’re talking too much, you may be dominating the conversation. If it feels uncomfortably so, it’s time to ask a question to find out a bit more about the other party.

5. Exercise Interest

Being genuinely interested in the topics that you ask about is crucial. Once you do that, have an open mind and go with the flow of the conversation. Try not to hold on to a tiny detail that is no longer relevant as doing this will cause a disjointed, rigid-feeling conversation.

Conclusions

The feeling of being perfectly understood is a powerful one, and one that should not be underestimated in effective communication and rapport building. If a social conversation is a success, every person should walk away feeling engaged and inspired by the connection they have made. As our conversations become seemingly less frequent, it’s all the more important that we take hold of our conversational strategy to deliver thought-out, effective conversation at every opportunity.